BEHIND THE DOOR

My friend posted about her dream which reminded me I was going to share with you about a dream I had last week.  Her dream was totally different and so beautiful.  Mine was of a different nature...

My pastor and his wife were at our house.  We were all out in the yard having a picnic.  (In real life we have never done anything like this with them.)  My pastor's wife needed to use our bathroom.  I told her it was down the hall.  Then a feeling of horror came over me.  In my dream, the door past the bathroom held my deepest secret sin.  It was in there.  And I just knew she had opened the door revealing my deepest shame.  I ran in and there she was.  Mouth hanging open.  Shock and horror on her face.  She turned to me and said, "you know I have to do something about this".  I begged her to not to.  Then I was in a police car.  They were going to arrest me.  But as I sat there devastated, the most amazing thing happened.  My Pastor's wife started calling some of the ladies from the church who she most trusted.  Reminded me of Jesus calling the 12 disciples.  They were to come right away and help cover my sin.  Take away my shame.  Rescue me.  And I knew if they did the police would release me.  And she told them that after this day "we" will never speak of this again.

I woke in a cold sweat.  Because I KNOW what is behind that door.  Now if you are perfect and don't struggle with anything you can stop reading now.  But if you are human and honest and you struggle in an area. Keep reading.

Of course, I'm not going to tell you "my" sin, "my" struggle.  Did you think I would?  Sorry, not there yet in my walk.  But some sins that people struggle with are: lust, gossip, lying, prejudice, anger, stealing, shame from past sins, shame of failure in any number of areas, low self-esteem, guilt that has become a companion, drinking, smoking, drugs, depression etc. etc. etc.  Just add yours if I missed it.

My daughter and I kind of interpret the dreams of family and close friends.  We point out what we see.  My pastor and his sweet wife represent authority.  And being a woman too.  It's significant that it is she who opens the door.  But they may represent the Lord too.  Cause she covers my sin for me.  She rescues me with the help of the church ladies, and then tells them to not tell anyone.  What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ.  Coming in helping where I was struggling.  Showing love and no condemnation.  Lifting a burden I couldn't lift myself.  I heard once we are all to carry our own backpacks.  The day to day stuff is in our backpack but if we get a large boulder in the road of life and can't move it, then the body of Christ is to come in and help us.  It was a picture of balance.  The individual is strong but the whole body uses it's talents when we can't do it ourselve.  Then we can all move on toward Heaven.

But back to the dream.. the police in the dream, represent the law, no mercy.  Maybe even the devil.  They are going to take me away and put me away.  I'm a loser.  A criminal. But the ladies "fix" it.  That is like salvation and mercy and grace.  When we are saved we deserve the worst.  We deserve to be locked up and the key thrown away.  But Jesus pays the price and we are freed. We are given mercy and grace.  God's favor covers us.  And we have a second chance.

Also about the begging for her to not "tell" on me.  We often like our sin, our struggle.  It is familiar. I remember when I was very depressed.  I was comfortable there.  I could always fall back on it.  It was dependable.  I know that sounds so wrong but if you haven't ever been depressed don't judge me.  Just believe me.  When I was healed/delivered of the depression I had to learn how to behave without it.  And after 20 years of living with it, it wasn't easy to learn a new way.  On this side of it I can say it was worth it, for sure.  But I see so many times that people like their sin.  The devil makes sure we get just enough satisfaction in our sin that we aren't motivated to abandon it.  And sometimes our struggles make us feel virtuous.  We feel like "look at me, aren't I such a wonderful Christian?  I'm struggling with this awful thing and look how good "I am" doing!"   Getting glory for ourselves instead of letting God help us and him get the glory.

Again the picture of the church ladies coming together.  What power we have together.  Sometimes it is a physical thing.  We might bring in food for a birth or death.  My brother is good to help people move.  One time when we were youth pastors.  We were moving.  The youth group showed up 17 kids.  In no time flat our duplex was empty.  It was amazing.  How many talents do we possess and not use?  Sometimes someone just needs a few words of encouragement. Other times people need some prayers.  Sometimes just a listening ear.  Or maybe someone to pay their water bill.  There is power in coming together and doing something.   It makes the work light.

I also recognize that a dream is often unrealistic too.  Sometimes mere people can't stop what they are doing and come help.  We are at best forgiven at worst human.  But we could move toward the ideas of the dream.  Do what we can.  Do what the Lord nudges you to do.

The Peter Show

I have a boy on my bus who has a lot of issues.  One day I had to tell him this isn't the Peter Show! (Named changed because of privacy laws). He is so used to being in control everywhere he goes.  He throws fits and has outburst when things don't go his way.  He wants all the attention.  He wants it his way, right now!  He does at times stomp on the floor in anger, lash out, scream etc. He has a melt down often.  All because he wants "his way".

 I got to thinking about this.  How many Christians are this way?  Do we want control?  Do we want "our" way?  Are we angry because things aren't going the way we want?  Do we go around and around, insisting on trying again a way that doesn't work?  Are we like Peter insisting on the "Donna Show"  or insert your name the  "         Show"?  Really we need to have each day be the Jesus Show.  

We also have been taught another thing at my job.  If a child has his hand gripped around something like the handle to hold to go up the stairs to get on the bus, we have a method to loosen his grip.  You "peal" his or her hand off the object.  You start with the pinky finger and work up to the pointer finger than the thumb.   You start with the weakest and "peal" the grip till its broken free.   Maybe this is what we need to have done.  We need to let the Lord "peal" our hands off the control lever of our lives.  Maybe we have to let him start with the little things and work up to totally letting go of our need to control what we really can't control anyway.  

It's funny and sad that we believe we have real control of our lives.  Like Peter who thinks he controls the world, we think we control our corner of the world.  Peter is, I think, ten.  I imagine he has been in control since he first threw a fit as an infant.  It's been the "Peter Show" that long.   How long has it been your show instead of the Jesus Show?   When, oh when, will we let him peal our tight grip free?   You know Peter just wants peace and freedom to live happily.   We can only have happiness, joy, peace when we let the Prince of Peace have control.  Peter has been in control badly for about 10 years with terrible results.  How long have you been in control?  5 years?  10 years? 20 years?  How long will you choose to stomp your foot and scream and yell "It's not fair!"?
 
I've started the process toward freedom but I have areas I'm still learning how to let Jesus control and Donna to just rest and follow His lead.  I hope you will join me in the journey of the "Jesus Show" today. Just like its the best thing for Peter to not be in control.  It's the best thing for us to not be in control.  Really!

Springbreak

Springbreak

 

Lovely, lovely springbreak!!!  It is at these times I love my

job.  Most people don't get 2 weeks off in the spring.  I DO!  Yay me!  

Hey the Bible says to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. Right?  So rejoice with me today.  And I will rejoice with you some time.  

Because He Lives

I must preface this article was written before the tragedies in Connecticut.   My heart goes out to them. May our heavenly  Father bring them comfort .  



We were riding along on the bus when one of the teens suddenly asked if those were wild dogs.  Over in the field there were two dog like animals.  But as I looked they weren't dogs but coyotes or small gray wolves.  We were too far to tell.  But the way they moved you knew they were wild.  Suzie (name changed for privacy) was a little upset.  Her eyes looked fearful.  There were a few other things going on so we didn't get back to her story for a while.  But when we did she told of how some wild dogs had attacked one of her horses and wounded it.  I didn't realize they would do that.  She was very fearful.  It had been traumatic to her when she found the horse after the attack.
That got me thinking.  A lot of our fears come from our past experiences.  Logical or not, we hold onto fears.  We hold onto a past version of something.  Some times a past lie.  The enemy of our soul wants us to be locked up emotionally.  He wants us to be so afraid that our world will become smaller and smaller.  The extreme of this would be people who don't leave their home.  Now most of us would say, Oh, I'm not like that.  But what does fear do in your life?
My friend Tammy was attacked by two German Shepherds while out walking.  She got between them and they didn't like that.  She was bit a couple of times.  For a long time she was terrified from it.  But with God's help she has overcome the controlling fear that would gripe her whenever she was near a dog.  She now even has a small one.
Some fears are less severe.  When we went to New York some years ago with our than teen daughters we saw Lorelai, Lauren Graham, the mom from the Gilmore Girls series.  Carla and Chanel were so excited but terrified to go ask for a picture with her.  We had to coax them into going and asking her.  They were so glad they did.  It made their day.  What if they had given into that fear?   The joy they felt at meeting a star they loved wouldn't have been theirs.  They would have regretted it.
My Mom has told me about when she was young she was so shy.  Being shy is just being afraid to talk with people, afraid of what people will think of you. A form of fear. She said it was physically painful.
I have really worked on not being fearful but back in the day I was paralyzed by it many times .  I would be unable to sleep worrying about my girls.  When they were babies I would check: Are they breathing?   When they went to school I would worry:  Are they learning some evil ideas that will make them grow away from God?  When Mandi started dating cell phone had just came out.  I would call and call.  It seems so silly than but I was sure they would be in an accident and be killed.  It was really awful and a lie from the enemy.  Praise God for delivering me from this dead end way of thinking.  I'm almost embarrassed to tell you I used to think that way but if it would help just one person.  It's okay to be a little embarrassed.
Fear can be overcome.  How?  Learn who God is and than you can trust him to take care of your family. And that when and if something bad happens he will see you through. He will never leave us or forsake us.  You can learn to be brave and try things and to be confident.  Also read the scriptures and see what God says  about you.  He loves you so much and when you KNOW that you can face anyone and any circumstance.  Like the old hymn says:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

 It's a process though I still sometimes have to push it back down but I'm not controlled by it. And I know God doesn't want any of us to be.