Because He Lives

I must preface this article was written before the tragedies in Connecticut.   My heart goes out to them. May our heavenly  Father bring them comfort .  



We were riding along on the bus when one of the teens suddenly asked if those were wild dogs.  Over in the field there were two dog like animals.  But as I looked they weren't dogs but coyotes or small gray wolves.  We were too far to tell.  But the way they moved you knew they were wild.  Suzie (name changed for privacy) was a little upset.  Her eyes looked fearful.  There were a few other things going on so we didn't get back to her story for a while.  But when we did she told of how some wild dogs had attacked one of her horses and wounded it.  I didn't realize they would do that.  She was very fearful.  It had been traumatic to her when she found the horse after the attack.
That got me thinking.  A lot of our fears come from our past experiences.  Logical or not, we hold onto fears.  We hold onto a past version of something.  Some times a past lie.  The enemy of our soul wants us to be locked up emotionally.  He wants us to be so afraid that our world will become smaller and smaller.  The extreme of this would be people who don't leave their home.  Now most of us would say, Oh, I'm not like that.  But what does fear do in your life?
My friend Tammy was attacked by two German Shepherds while out walking.  She got between them and they didn't like that.  She was bit a couple of times.  For a long time she was terrified from it.  But with God's help she has overcome the controlling fear that would gripe her whenever she was near a dog.  She now even has a small one.
Some fears are less severe.  When we went to New York some years ago with our than teen daughters we saw Lorelai, Lauren Graham, the mom from the Gilmore Girls series.  Carla and Chanel were so excited but terrified to go ask for a picture with her.  We had to coax them into going and asking her.  They were so glad they did.  It made their day.  What if they had given into that fear?   The joy they felt at meeting a star they loved wouldn't have been theirs.  They would have regretted it.
My Mom has told me about when she was young she was so shy.  Being shy is just being afraid to talk with people, afraid of what people will think of you. A form of fear. She said it was physically painful.
I have really worked on not being fearful but back in the day I was paralyzed by it many times .  I would be unable to sleep worrying about my girls.  When they were babies I would check: Are they breathing?   When they went to school I would worry:  Are they learning some evil ideas that will make them grow away from God?  When Mandi started dating cell phone had just came out.  I would call and call.  It seems so silly than but I was sure they would be in an accident and be killed.  It was really awful and a lie from the enemy.  Praise God for delivering me from this dead end way of thinking.  I'm almost embarrassed to tell you I used to think that way but if it would help just one person.  It's okay to be a little embarrassed.
Fear can be overcome.  How?  Learn who God is and than you can trust him to take care of your family. And that when and if something bad happens he will see you through. He will never leave us or forsake us.  You can learn to be brave and try things and to be confident.  Also read the scriptures and see what God says  about you.  He loves you so much and when you KNOW that you can face anyone and any circumstance.  Like the old hymn says:

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

 It's a process though I still sometimes have to push it back down but I'm not controlled by it. And I know God doesn't want any of us to be.

Blogging? Oh Yes, I was doing that, wasn't I?

So if a person has a blog, we can assume they have a lot of thoughts floating around in their head.  Maybe even rushing around in there. Round and round! Thoughts chasing thoughts. Right?  Than why have I only blogged once since July?  Let's see....my best ideas happen when I'm away from my computer or in the middle of something else?  Sounds like an excuse.  Perhaps I want to share my heart, my thoughts, my conclusions but I'm afraid.  FEAR!  That loathsome enemy that plagues us so often.  But I can see why.  What if I share my heart and you, my dear reader, stomp on it?  What if you thing I'm crazy or stupid.  Don't know if you know this about me but I was diagnosed with  A.D.D. 15 years ago and though I'm at peace with it and don't find myself lacking (that is a whole other post to explain about that).  I did grow up feeling stupid because of it.  So fearing feeling stupid comes easily to me.  And once you hear my thoughts that are in my head some might think I'm crazy.  
But what do we encourage our children to do?  Face the fear and plunge in anyway.  I know that growth doesn't happen without some fear involved.  I want my children and grandchildren to be brave and try new things.  I want them to never be paralyzed by fear.  Be brave and go forth and live out loud!  That's what I want for them. 
I've been learning the last few years that what I want for them I also need to want for me.  How else can I role model and inspire them?  
So on that note.  My utmost apologies for not blogging more.  I would promise to do better but let's just watch and see how I progress.  
Oh and thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog.  
One more thing.  What have you been neglecting out of fear?    QUICK name it!  We usually know what it is if we are honest with ourselves.  Now that it is in your mind, go do it!   Or at least take a step in that direction.   Be like me and take a small step.  

Tears Happened at the Dentist Today

So yesterday I got a tooth pulled.  OUCH!!! Not a fun experience.  Thought I had dealt with a lot of my fears.  But I missed this one. For years dentists have terrified me. I actually cried because I was afraid.  I looked down at my hands...they were shaking and I was shaking deep inside.  For crying out loud!  I'm a mom of grown women and a grandma (Nonna) even.  And all I could think about was that awful experience I had years before at the dentist.  The dentist (who I found out later was rumored to have been a drinker) gave me 6 shots and than proceeded with me trying to tell him I wasn't numb.  He hit a nerve.  Thought I was going to die. He said "Maybe the doses were too weak"  MAYBE!    You may be asking "How did you let that happen?"  Well, back than I had lacked confidence in myself and was so afraid I didn't speak up loud enough or forcibley enough ....but now I would never let that happen to myself.  For instance yesterday it took 6 shots because I kept telling him it wasn't numb. But his attitude was completely supportive.  I could tell he wasn't proceeding until I was numb and comfortable.  Yay!  Thank God for good dentist.  But if he had been a bad one, I wouldn't have let him proceed until I was numb.  I've grown and watch out better for myself.

Anyway, fear kept me away from the dentist till I found myself losing a tooth.  So embarrassing.  But I'm so glad the pain is gone and encouraged that I can face my fears and maybe get my teeth in good shape.

It reminded me of sin.  How much sin do we not deal with because of fear?  We fear we will lose control of our own life.  We fear we won't have fun any more.  We fear we can't let go of something we need to let go of.  But whether you need to give your life to the Lord or you already have and you just need to let go of a sinful habit. Or maybe you need to let go of shame even though God has already forgiven you.  Face the fear!  Make peace with your creator, accept your savior.  It's so wonderful on the other side.  What an adventure!  What a great way to live.  Not a perfect way cause we are human and inherently imperfect, but Jesus is perfect and if we let Him he will give us his perfect love and wash away our sins and give us a clean slate, a new beginning.  And if you already follow him but find you need to deal with something.  He won't throw you away because you have an area in need of His help.  In fact,  He already knows about it.  And like an awesome perfect father He wants the best for you.  Life with Him is a constant ongoing place of growth and if you ask him he will bring healing and deliverance in all the crevices of your heart and mind.  I have followed him since I was a child.  Sometimes closely, sometimes far away.  But these last few years I have pressed in to Him and learned more about Him and spent more time with Him. How sweet it's been.  We, He and I are dealing with deep things.  Deep established sins, habits, fears, pains.  And let me tell you:  It's so sweet!  Let me invite you to find out for yourself.  Come follow Jesus, or press in closer if you already are.

Taking Back

I have been hanging out at my friend's blog lately. She is so very creative. It is very inspiring. She oozes creativity. I think that if I hadn't been so full of fear I could have been more like her in my own way. I am very creative too but I let fear of other's opinions, fear of failure, fear of sinning, fear of who knows what stifle me through the years. Recently she wrote about being dammed up in an area. This struck a note with me. I have lived a life dammed up with fear and all his associates. I lived for over 20 years with low grade depression that would flair up into real heavy depression from time to time. But I have been free almost 8 or 9 years now and I think it is time to take back that that was stolen from me. I have also been dwelling in verse 7 of Isaiah 61. The NIV version and the Amplified version. I wrote this prayer/declaration from it:

"Instead of my former shame, I shall have a two-fold recompense, a double portion. Instead of dishonour, disgrace and reproach. I will rejoice in my portion, my inheritance. Therefore in my land (home, life) I will inherit, possess double what I have forfeited. And everlasting joy & peace will be mine! I receive double honour."

I especially like the part of, "what I have forfeited". I have forfeited my inheritance in these areas. My parents were creative when younger. My mom made a lot of my clothes when I was a child and clothes for my dolls. Besides being a seemstress she was a gardner and a quilter. Dad did some projects with wood and restored the insides of vintage cars. My Grandmothers both canned, sewed and quilted. They grew flowers. And Dad's side of the family had a way with stories. They told exciting stories, exagerated stories. When I read Mark Twain I felt like I was reading a family member's story. My uncles and aunts also had this kind of creative streak. So I have a great inheritance in creativity.
I am taking back my honour, my portion in this area. I'm looking to flourish and for my gifts to make room for me. Can't wait for the joy and peace that is coming to me.
I invite you to join me. What have you forfeited? What has been stolen from you by the enemy? It is never ever too late. Pray this prayer with me and take back what is gone. Let your gifts make room for you. Start enjoying what God has placed in you.

p.s. A. special thank you to Jeannie for inspiration