Wednesday, March 21, 2012
My brother always seemed to get a kick out of my jabbering about this or that when I was little and as I grew. Really even now I can sometimes see that slow grin come on his face as I jabber on about something that is exciting to me. Lately it's our grand-kids we talk about and smile. As I have always wanted to be a writer words and thoughts have always been buzzing around in my head. At church recently we had this couple that came and talked about the differences in men and women. He said what Paul has convinced me is true though I can't for the life of me understand it, that men actually have moments when they are thinking nothing! Nothing! I just don't get it. I can wake in the middle of the night and my mind is having a gabfest with itself. Just like words, phrases, and thoughts have always been with me. It seems almost like Paul has always been with me.
We now both work on the same bus. He is the driver and I'm the attendant. Now all the girls have flown the nest so it is just us here at home We are together 24-7. We talk a lot....talk, talk, talk. We share ideas from books, he tells me what people say on facebook. I tell him what one of our daughters has said or one of my friends. We discuss what the minister preached or what someone he listened to preached about or a blog one of us has read. We talk about my hobbies or his. Or he tells me how he has figured out how to fix something that has broken around the house or on the car. Or we ask each other to listen to what the other has wrote. And we always talk about the grandbaby and what cute thing she has said or done lately. And we always end with "She's a good girl, Poppa(or Nonna, depending who is talking)".
I was thinking yesterday how much this reminds me of when we were first dating. We were 17 and 18. We were dreamers. We were young and idealistic. We talked on the phone for hours and hours. We talked on our dates for hours. We talked and talked and talked. It made me smile to think that all these years later after almost 38 years we still like to exchange ideas, share thoughts, work out solutions by talking and listening to each other. We had some rough spots along the way. Part of the problem at those spots was a lack of talking and listening. But overall we have made it and we are still crazy (about each other) after all these years.
I said all that to say to my unmarried readers. If you don't enjoy listening to your gal or guy now and if they don't seem to listen to you, if you don't think of sharing with them first when something interesting happens in your day. You might want to re-evaluate your situation. Thirty-eight years with someone, if you make it that long, who doesn't listen to you or who you don't want to listen to, is a long, long, time. If their eyes glaze over when you just begin to mention something you are passionate about now, you might want to throw that fish back in the sea now and move on.
And while I have your ear, don't remake yourself for someone else. People change like a chameleon to be with someone. Then they marry and when they get tired of pretending and relax and be themselves, they are surprised to find they have nothing in common. Be yourself. Be the person God made you to be and than you will attract someone who likes you and likes enough of the same things to have something to talk about. And if they really like you they will care enough to listen to what excites you even if they are not that interested in it.
For instance, my brother loves all things automotive. My sister-in-law knows lots about cars because he has talked about them through the years and she has listened. Me? I may have been a motown fan only all my life if I hadn't learned about music from Paul. Because it's important to him I now know enough about different styles and kinds of music to talk with him about it. And even randomly to impress him with my knowledge. Which makes us both smile. You want to still make each other smile thirty-eight years from now, don't you? Than you have to be willing to jabber with each other about the mundane, the little stuff, the big stuff lots of stuff. And listen! Don't forget to really listen. You might just learn something. You might have fun.