Smother or Mother??? Which will you choose.

Having balance, being delicate, handling things easy, not stepping on toes.  Awe, these and so many more things are asked of mothers of grown children.  My tendency is to rush in like a bull in a china shop.
That doesn't work so well. ha

I want to control.  Lord help me!   But what I really want is for  them to be all grown up! and to own it.  Really!!!

RAISE THOSE CHILDREN!  GROW!  MATURE!  MAKE GREAT DECISIONS!  RUN YOUR LIFE WELL!  BE ALL GOD INTENDED!  BE AWESOME!  USE THOSE GIFTS GOD GAVE YOU!!  KNOW THE ANSWERS!! BE AS AMAZING AS I KNOW YOU ARE!!!

But wait, dear child, let me rescue you.  Oh...Oh..., don't fall down and learn from your mistake.  Let me help, Oh you didn't ask?   Hmmm.... this may work for a little one.. okay even little ones can't learn if we smother them and don't let them have wings and fly and sometimes fall and get back up again.  Failure... it is a good teacher.

The pain.  Oh the pain.  But the sweet rewards if us mother's can let the Holy Spirit lead us to speak when we need to and more often than not, don't speak when we shouldn't.   

It's funny well maybe more sad.  My sweet little mom is 91 and I love her. But she has never encouraged me to be independent.  Probably afraid to lose me.  She still thinks I should "obey" her.

This means I have had to learn to not smother, on my own.  Not that I have it all down pat.  Let's just say I'm a work in progress.  Some-days I do great.  They make a choice I don't like and I bite my tongue, smile and pray.  Other days, not so much.   It's ugly and painful.  Sometimes they like it, like my help.  Cause growing is painful and they are okay with not growing, not maturing.  Other days they resent my actions and push me away.  And I understand.  It's not pretty when you say with an ugly tone.  "Mom, I'm 58 I think I can make my own decision about that."    I want so much more for them.  I don't want to have them say that to me when they are 58.  I hope and pray we will do better.  

So why am I being so truthful?  My friend used to say "letting your panties show".  Meaning we are being very open and honest.  Well  two reasons: one is confession is good for the soul and two maybe you can learn so you won't make the same mistakes.  

Our goals that we mothers have are to raise our children to live well, on their own.  It's like Carla when she was little. My first, Mandi was a cuddlier.  Always close to Mom never going too far. The middle one, Carla was born when Mandi was 7.  Carla was different.  She had no fear.  She could fly!  Life was an adventure, even as a toddler.  She would go from Mom but she would consistently come back and touch me for a moment.  Kind of making sure I was still there.  She needed the security of knowing I was there for her. A foundation.  But she needed to fly, to explore.

That's how we are to do.  Encourage them.  Cheer them on.  Love them.  But let them do it.  Let them fall sometimes, even fail sometimes. But always covering them with prayer.  Trusting that God has a good plan and he will take care of them.  Give them wings.

Isiah 54:13All your children shall be taught by the Lord,

And great shall be the peace of your children.

(A great book that might help is The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children.  Amazon has it for a reasonable amount.)
  

Tears Happened at the Dentist Today

So yesterday I got a tooth pulled.  OUCH!!! Not a fun experience.  Thought I had dealt with a lot of my fears.  But I missed this one. For years dentists have terrified me. I actually cried because I was afraid.  I looked down at my hands...they were shaking and I was shaking deep inside.  For crying out loud!  I'm a mom of grown women and a grandma (Nonna) even.  And all I could think about was that awful experience I had years before at the dentist.  The dentist (who I found out later was rumored to have been a drinker) gave me 6 shots and than proceeded with me trying to tell him I wasn't numb.  He hit a nerve.  Thought I was going to die. He said "Maybe the doses were too weak"  MAYBE!    You may be asking "How did you let that happen?"  Well, back than I had lacked confidence in myself and was so afraid I didn't speak up loud enough or forcibley enough ....but now I would never let that happen to myself.  For instance yesterday it took 6 shots because I kept telling him it wasn't numb. But his attitude was completely supportive.  I could tell he wasn't proceeding until I was numb and comfortable.  Yay!  Thank God for good dentist.  But if he had been a bad one, I wouldn't have let him proceed until I was numb.  I've grown and watch out better for myself.

Anyway, fear kept me away from the dentist till I found myself losing a tooth.  So embarrassing.  But I'm so glad the pain is gone and encouraged that I can face my fears and maybe get my teeth in good shape.

It reminded me of sin.  How much sin do we not deal with because of fear?  We fear we will lose control of our own life.  We fear we won't have fun any more.  We fear we can't let go of something we need to let go of.  But whether you need to give your life to the Lord or you already have and you just need to let go of a sinful habit. Or maybe you need to let go of shame even though God has already forgiven you.  Face the fear!  Make peace with your creator, accept your savior.  It's so wonderful on the other side.  What an adventure!  What a great way to live.  Not a perfect way cause we are human and inherently imperfect, but Jesus is perfect and if we let Him he will give us his perfect love and wash away our sins and give us a clean slate, a new beginning.  And if you already follow him but find you need to deal with something.  He won't throw you away because you have an area in need of His help.  In fact,  He already knows about it.  And like an awesome perfect father He wants the best for you.  Life with Him is a constant ongoing place of growth and if you ask him he will bring healing and deliverance in all the crevices of your heart and mind.  I have followed him since I was a child.  Sometimes closely, sometimes far away.  But these last few years I have pressed in to Him and learned more about Him and spent more time with Him. How sweet it's been.  We, He and I are dealing with deep things.  Deep established sins, habits, fears, pains.  And let me tell you:  It's so sweet!  Let me invite you to find out for yourself.  Come follow Jesus, or press in closer if you already are.

Just a Closer Walk

Just a Closer Walk with Thee, Grant it Jesus is my Plea. Daily walking close to thee. Let it be, Dear Lord is my plea.....
Did you ever sing this song? Years ago we would sing this in church. And I would long for a closer walk with the Lord. I would sing it with sincerity. My heart longed to be closer, have a more intimate relationship with my savior. I didn't know it would be years before I learned how to come into His presense. And I never had a clue how sweet, how precious, how healing it would be. Awe if I had known. If I only had had an inkling of what a closer walk would be like.
Let me go back to spring of 2010. I shared this in another post but it is worth repeating. We had a man come preach at our church. Bob Rodgers. He challenged us to pray an hour a day. Now I don't mean to be boastful just sharing a wonderful thing that has happened to me. But a lot of us took him up on the challenge and I started an adventure my soul had been longing for since I was a mere girl. We had committed to pray for an hour a day for a month. I have been doing it ever since. Only missed a day here and there. But it has been so sweet spending time with my savior, with Father God. I thought I would pray and God would change so many people, family, friends, co-workers, situations, the world.
Side note here: I had a magnet in my first car I owned at 17, James Cagney was my car's name. He was a little black volkswagon with a red interior. The magnet that stayed on the dash said "Prayer Changes Things" It has been a deep and long held belief of mine.)
Okay back to what I was saying. I headed into this adventure to change others by prayer. Imagine my surprise when I was the one who changed! And I was the one who realized, I have a lot to work on here! As I prayed and studied and listen to teaching and preaching I learned more of God, more of his great love for me. I learned that he is crazy about us. When we show up to talk with him. He shows up. The one who started everything takes the time to listen to our prayers. He guides us and shows us what he wants for us. He shows us what a beautiful life he has planned for us if we will just follow him. Just walk with him. Just talk with him. he also shows us hidden attitudes. Unforgiveness we are harboring. Sins we didn't realize we were doing and sins we justified. He shows us these so we can deal with them through repenting, through finding scriptures to stand on as we turn a new way. He shows us lies of the enemy that we believe. We receive these lies like they are truth. We have heard the lies for so many years that we accept them. But as I spent more time with the Lord I saw the lies for what they were and I am overcoming them with truth. Truth really does set us free. Jesus is truth so as we daily walk close to Him the lies will be revealed and He will help us replace them with His truth about them. As I learn to walk close to Him I am learning to be more peaceful, I'm learning about his grace. I'm learning about his amazing mercy. It is the most wonderful adventure. God is good! Just make a decision today to press into Jesus to Walk Closer to Him today than you did yesterday. If you mess up and fall down get up, wipe yourself off and press in again.