Thursday, August 28, 2014

Smother or Mother??? Which will you choose.

Having balance, being delicate, handling things easy, not stepping on toes.  Awe, these and so many more things are asked of mothers of grown children.  My tendency is to rush in like a bull in a china shop.
That doesn't work so well. ha

I want to control.  Lord help me!   But what I really want is for  them to be all grown up! and to own it.  Really!!!


But wait, dear child, let me rescue you.  Oh...Oh..., don't fall down and learn from your mistake.  Let me help, Oh you didn't ask?   Hmmm.... this may work for a little one.. okay even little ones can't learn if we smother them and don't let them have wings and fly and sometimes fall and get back up again.  Failure... it is a good teacher.

The pain.  Oh the pain.  But the sweet rewards if us mother's can let the Holy Spirit lead us to speak when we need to and more often than not, don't speak when we shouldn't.   

It's funny well maybe more sad.  My sweet little mom is 91 and I love her. But she has never encouraged me to be independent.  Probably afraid to lose me.  She still thinks I should "obey" her.
This means I have had to learn to not smother, on my own.  Not that I have it all down pat.  Let's just say I'm a work in progress.  Some-days I do great.  They make a choice I don't like and I bite my tongue, smile and pray.  Other days, not so much.   It's ugly and painful.  Sometimes they like it, like my help.  Cause growing is painful and they are okay with not growing, not maturing.  Other days they resent my actions and push me away.  And I understand.  It's not pretty when you say with an ugly tone.  "Mom, I'm 58 I think I can make my own decision about that."    I want so much more for them.  I don't want to have them say that to me when they are 58.  I hope and pray we will do better.  

So why am I being so truthful?  My friend used to say "letting your panties show".  Meaning we are being very open and honest.  Well  two reasons: one is confession is good for the soul and two maybe you can learn so you won't make the same mistakes.  

Our goals that we mothers have are to raise our children to live well, on their own.  It's like Carla when she was little. My first, Mandi was a cuddlier.  Always close to Mom never going too far. The middle one, Carla was born when Mandi was 7.  Carla was different.  She had no fear.  She could fly!  Life was an adventure, even as a toddler.  She would go from Mom but she would consistently come back and touch me for a moment.  Kind of making sure I was still there.  She needed the security of knowing I was there for her. A foundation.  But she needed to fly, to explore.

That's how we are to do.  Encourage them.  Cheer them on.  Love them.  But let them do it.  Let them fall sometimes, even fail sometimes. But always covering them with prayer.  Trusting that God has a good plan and he will take care of them.  Give them wings.

Isiah 54:13All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.

(A great book that might help is The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children.  Amazon has it for a reasonable amount.)

1 comment:

  1. My favorite mom-movie-line is in "Because I Said So," starring Diane Keaton. I won't try to quote it here, but it makes me laugh and cringe and goes along with what I have always told my kids, which is: it takes you years to finally really get the mom thing down, to really know you know what you're doing and suddenly they are adults and you have to start all over making mistakes and learning how to "parent." Your girls are so blessed they have you! xo