BEHIND THE DOOR

My friend posted about her dream which reminded me I was going to share with you about a dream I had last week.  Her dream was totally different and so beautiful.  Mine was of a different nature...

My pastor and his wife were at our house.  We were all out in the yard having a picnic.  (In real life we have never done anything like this with them.)  My pastor's wife needed to use our bathroom.  I told her it was down the hall.  Then a feeling of horror came over me.  In my dream, the door past the bathroom held my deepest secret sin.  It was in there.  And I just knew she had opened the door revealing my deepest shame.  I ran in and there she was.  Mouth hanging open.  Shock and horror on her face.  She turned to me and said, "you know I have to do something about this".  I begged her to not to.  Then I was in a police car.  They were going to arrest me.  But as I sat there devastated, the most amazing thing happened.  My Pastor's wife started calling some of the ladies from the church who she most trusted.  Reminded me of Jesus calling the 12 disciples.  They were to come right away and help cover my sin.  Take away my shame.  Rescue me.  And I knew if they did the police would release me.  And she told them that after this day "we" will never speak of this again.

I woke in a cold sweat.  Because I KNOW what is behind that door.  Now if you are perfect and don't struggle with anything you can stop reading now.  But if you are human and honest and you struggle in an area. Keep reading.

Of course, I'm not going to tell you "my" sin, "my" struggle.  Did you think I would?  Sorry, not there yet in my walk.  But some sins that people struggle with are: lust, gossip, lying, prejudice, anger, stealing, shame from past sins, shame of failure in any number of areas, low self-esteem, guilt that has become a companion, drinking, smoking, drugs, depression etc. etc. etc.  Just add yours if I missed it.

My daughter and I kind of interpret the dreams of family and close friends.  We point out what we see.  My pastor and his sweet wife represent authority.  And being a woman too.  It's significant that it is she who opens the door.  But they may represent the Lord too.  Cause she covers my sin for me.  She rescues me with the help of the church ladies, and then tells them to not tell anyone.  What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ.  Coming in helping where I was struggling.  Showing love and no condemnation.  Lifting a burden I couldn't lift myself.  I heard once we are all to carry our own backpacks.  The day to day stuff is in our backpack but if we get a large boulder in the road of life and can't move it, then the body of Christ is to come in and help us.  It was a picture of balance.  The individual is strong but the whole body uses it's talents when we can't do it ourselve.  Then we can all move on toward Heaven.

But back to the dream.. the police in the dream, represent the law, no mercy.  Maybe even the devil.  They are going to take me away and put me away.  I'm a loser.  A criminal. But the ladies "fix" it.  That is like salvation and mercy and grace.  When we are saved we deserve the worst.  We deserve to be locked up and the key thrown away.  But Jesus pays the price and we are freed. We are given mercy and grace.  God's favor covers us.  And we have a second chance.

Also about the begging for her to not "tell" on me.  We often like our sin, our struggle.  It is familiar. I remember when I was very depressed.  I was comfortable there.  I could always fall back on it.  It was dependable.  I know that sounds so wrong but if you haven't ever been depressed don't judge me.  Just believe me.  When I was healed/delivered of the depression I had to learn how to behave without it.  And after 20 years of living with it, it wasn't easy to learn a new way.  On this side of it I can say it was worth it, for sure.  But I see so many times that people like their sin.  The devil makes sure we get just enough satisfaction in our sin that we aren't motivated to abandon it.  And sometimes our struggles make us feel virtuous.  We feel like "look at me, aren't I such a wonderful Christian?  I'm struggling with this awful thing and look how good "I am" doing!"   Getting glory for ourselves instead of letting God help us and him get the glory.

Again the picture of the church ladies coming together.  What power we have together.  Sometimes it is a physical thing.  We might bring in food for a birth or death.  My brother is good to help people move.  One time when we were youth pastors.  We were moving.  The youth group showed up 17 kids.  In no time flat our duplex was empty.  It was amazing.  How many talents do we possess and not use?  Sometimes someone just needs a few words of encouragement. Other times people need some prayers.  Sometimes just a listening ear.  Or maybe someone to pay their water bill.  There is power in coming together and doing something.   It makes the work light.

I also recognize that a dream is often unrealistic too.  Sometimes mere people can't stop what they are doing and come help.  We are at best forgiven at worst human.  But we could move toward the ideas of the dream.  Do what we can.  Do what the Lord nudges you to do.

Smother or Mother??? Which will you choose.

Having balance, being delicate, handling things easy, not stepping on toes.  Awe, these and so many more things are asked of mothers of grown children.  My tendency is to rush in like a bull in a china shop.
That doesn't work so well. ha

I want to control.  Lord help me!   But what I really want is for  them to be all grown up! and to own it.  Really!!!

RAISE THOSE CHILDREN!  GROW!  MATURE!  MAKE GREAT DECISIONS!  RUN YOUR LIFE WELL!  BE ALL GOD INTENDED!  BE AWESOME!  USE THOSE GIFTS GOD GAVE YOU!!  KNOW THE ANSWERS!! BE AS AMAZING AS I KNOW YOU ARE!!!

But wait, dear child, let me rescue you.  Oh...Oh..., don't fall down and learn from your mistake.  Let me help, Oh you didn't ask?   Hmmm.... this may work for a little one.. okay even little ones can't learn if we smother them and don't let them have wings and fly and sometimes fall and get back up again.  Failure... it is a good teacher.

The pain.  Oh the pain.  But the sweet rewards if us mother's can let the Holy Spirit lead us to speak when we need to and more often than not, don't speak when we shouldn't.   

It's funny well maybe more sad.  My sweet little mom is 91 and I love her. But she has never encouraged me to be independent.  Probably afraid to lose me.  She still thinks I should "obey" her.

This means I have had to learn to not smother, on my own.  Not that I have it all down pat.  Let's just say I'm a work in progress.  Some-days I do great.  They make a choice I don't like and I bite my tongue, smile and pray.  Other days, not so much.   It's ugly and painful.  Sometimes they like it, like my help.  Cause growing is painful and they are okay with not growing, not maturing.  Other days they resent my actions and push me away.  And I understand.  It's not pretty when you say with an ugly tone.  "Mom, I'm 58 I think I can make my own decision about that."    I want so much more for them.  I don't want to have them say that to me when they are 58.  I hope and pray we will do better.  

So why am I being so truthful?  My friend used to say "letting your panties show".  Meaning we are being very open and honest.  Well  two reasons: one is confession is good for the soul and two maybe you can learn so you won't make the same mistakes.  

Our goals that we mothers have are to raise our children to live well, on their own.  It's like Carla when she was little. My first, Mandi was a cuddlier.  Always close to Mom never going too far. The middle one, Carla was born when Mandi was 7.  Carla was different.  She had no fear.  She could fly!  Life was an adventure, even as a toddler.  She would go from Mom but she would consistently come back and touch me for a moment.  Kind of making sure I was still there.  She needed the security of knowing I was there for her. A foundation.  But she needed to fly, to explore.

That's how we are to do.  Encourage them.  Cheer them on.  Love them.  But let them do it.  Let them fall sometimes, even fail sometimes. But always covering them with prayer.  Trusting that God has a good plan and he will take care of them.  Give them wings.

Isiah 54:13All your children shall be taught by the Lord,

And great shall be the peace of your children.

(A great book that might help is The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children.  Amazon has it for a reasonable amount.)
  

Day of Trouble

Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him.

I will set him on high, because he has known My name.

He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him.

I will be with him in trouble.

I will deliver him and honor him with long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation

Psalms 91:14-16

This verse from my Bible this morning sure did help me a lot.  Do you ever have those days when you are in trouble?  Some days the deliverance comes quickly.  You don't even suffer much at all.  Other days turn into months maybe even years.  But keep setting your love on Him.  He will deliver and honor and satisfy you and show you his salvation.  Why does it happen different ways at different times?  Sometimes an other's will may be involved.  Sometimes there is a bigger picture that only our Heavenly Father sees.  Sometimes.... who knows??? Only our Father.  But I know this one thing:  we can trust His judgement.  To those who maybe haven't spent much time with Him that may seem naive or at best crazy.  But when you get to know the Lord and you really spend time with Him and in His word.  You begin to taste a little of heaven, a little of eternity a glimpse outside your little world and you KNOW the one who created you has an awesome plan and He is trustworthy.  He knits it all together!!!!  He is making a beautiful thing called "your life".  But only if you will let Him.  He can give you a good rest of your life.  Not perfect, not the way you might imagine.  Like today it was a day with trouble but I learned a lesson.  I learned to be quiet and let the Lord work things out.  So though I dearly hate trouble and drama I love the lesson leaned today.  So days may not be the way you would choose them to be you can trust them to God and you can let Him work it all out for your good.

JEANIE IS POSTING AGAIN!!!!

JEANIE IS POSTING AGAIN!!!!!

My friend Jeanie has a blog here:  http://www.jeanierhoades.com/  Called Thought Collage.  She took a break from blogging and I had to just hang out there on her blog sometimes and read or reread old posts.  They were awesome, of course.  But like veggies, fresh is best.  A thought fresh from her heart.  Maybe still warm like fresh donuts. That was what her readers needed and wanted.

I waited patiently.  And my patience has been rewarded.  Jeanie is posting/blogging again.  And this makes me smile.  Cause in my day to day life, my grandbabies smiles, hugs, kisses and Jeanie's thoughts cause the sun to shine... and sparkles to come.

So if you haven't please go read her blog.  Mine pales in comparison.